beginning.

So. College.

Yeah.

When you’re in high school, you look at the movies and listen to older kids, and it makes you think college is one big party. Cramming for finals one week out of a semester, but basically the rest of it is parties and frats and friends and boyfriends and this awesoma-palooza of extreme awesomeness because everyone has graduated high school and somehow over thesummer became slim and airbrushed and well…. Awesome.

Those people are liars.

Oh yeah, and you wanna know the biggest lie of all?

When in the movies a kid moves off to college with a box. One little box. It has a lamp and maybe some textbooks and a poster of a hot girl if it’s a guy and a calendar of the year’s most popular boyband if it’s agirl.

EHHHHHH. Please try again tomorrow.

Here’s what really happens:

First off. Bringing stuff to college. You pull out the suitcases, you figure you just need a few clothing items, maybe some food, and a couple of miscellaneous things. You’re all like “oh, yeah. College. College is gonna be AWESOME. I’m just gonna pack these in twenty minutes then I’m gonnago party with my awesome friends before I leave for awesome college and becomeeven more awesome!”

^Expectation.

Reality:

YOUR ROOM EXPLODES.

That’s all I really have to say about that. You’ll have to experience it on your own.

Second thing:

No, you don’t get to your dorm with your, count ‘em, one whole box of stuff, bump into a stranger, say “Oh, I’m so sorry!” before stopping and looking to see who it is, this total hot piece of hotness whostops, gives you a wink, and says “it was really all my fault.”

Then there’s that super smooth introduction and it all justspirals into the world’s greatest love story.

No.

You bring the debris from your bedroom explosion, your parents help you up the stairs while criticizing you for the things you realize you forgot. Like your fish. (No, seriously. You brought its bowl and its food.You forgot the fish. (maybe that’s just me)) If it’s Transformers 2 and your name is Sam Wit-Wicky then maybe your mom will eat some homemade “brownies” and go a little coo coo. But anyway. Your new home, explodes. But even better, it explodes with the debris of the previous explosion which occurred in your old home. You meet the roomies. Maybe they’re cool. Maybe they’re psycho. It’s really just the luck of the draw, buddy. Best of luck. You get unpacked, wave goodbye to the parental units, and then walk back inside.

That’s it. You walk back inside.

…..what now?

Maybe you were like me. Maybe you opted to chill in your new room for the night  because you’re content with that and you figure you’ll meet people tomorrow. Maybe you are going out of your mind due to lack of socializing so you go out and do things your first night. Maybe, like me, you’re lucky enough that you’ve got somebody, even two and half hours away, who will stay up and talk with you until all hours of the night.

But here’s the real key: you do what you gotta do.And that means, you do what you gotta do for YOU. There’s no need to think you have to be out doing things all the time. You’ll go insane if you do. Sometimes, you need that alone time. Sometimes, you really do just need to have a four hour nap in the middle of the day. Sometimes, you do need to give that friend back home a call even if you know it means you’ll be walking late to the party because all of your friends will have already left. If you don’t think you need any of that, then good for you. I know I have already, and it’s been two weeks. College doesn’t mean pleasing anyone anymore. No, not the parents, not the kids at school, not anyone. It means learning for yourself what it is that you need and going from there.

Yes. Go to your first college home game. Especially if you’re an Aggie, because if you don’t, you’re missing out on the world’s greatest student section. Yes, go make friends. Go to Wendy’s at midnight with them. Stay up until two talking about absolutely nothing. Be crazy. Be young. just remember, you’re doing those things for you. And absolutely, don’t forget where you came from. These past two weeks, I’ve relied on people back home a million times more than I thought I relied on them in eighteen years.

Growing up, sucks sometimes. I’ve already learned more about that in my two weeks away from home than I did in a lifetime. Already, I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve learned a lesson on remembering to set my alarm because I slept through my first class of the day. I’ve learned a lesson on reality when every day for these past two weeks has been a marathon of my life praying I would find a job because I can’t afford school without it. I’ve learned alesson on trusting too much and giving my heart away too easily when that person two and a half hours away who my first night here was giving up hours of sleep just so he could talk to me is now going to bed and dreaming of somebody else instead. I learned a lesson on JUST how much Facebook sucks, since his way of telling me was over Chat. I’ve learned that sometimes keeping up with people and trying to be as perfect as they are is simply exhausting.

But here’s what else I’ve learned:

I’ve learned that as much as a broken heart hurts, it can be survived.

I’ve learned that I can do so much more than I thought Icould on my own. I’ve learned that while I love and appreciate my parents and everything they did/do for me, I really am capable of doing it on my own.

I’ve learned that sometimes, you screw up and sleep through class. But it’s really no big deal.

I’ve learned how rewarding it is when all of your hard work and sweat and tears and fasting and prayers for months is when you finally land a job.

I’ve learned that just because things didn’t work out with someone, doesn’t mean I should regret, and that the memories made far exceed the pain I experienced when everything became just that: a memory. I’ve learned that it’s okay to just be friends. That yes, it’s hard. But it is possible. I’ve learned that forgiveness and forgiving people is the absolute most liberating thing you can do and the best possible way to help yourself heal.

I've learned I don't have to be perfect. There are people who love me and they love me for who I am so I don't have to try to "measure up" to anyone else. That someday I will find that person who wouldn't just give up hours of sleep but would give up his life for me, and it'll be because of who I am. Who I am is enough. 

I’ve learned that sometimes here, my wings have been bruised. But my roots? They’re just as strong as ever. That you make those friends who you may not talk to or see all the time, but you’ve been friends for so long that it doesn’t matter. That you can call them up, tell them your story, and hear them say “I’M GONNA WHIP SOMEBODY” because they still care about you so much that they feel so absolutely protective and want to hurt whoever hurt you….because when you hurt, they hurt. That you can be laughing about inside jokes from ten years ago one second and the very next be talking about broken hearts and how nobody else understands what you’re going through but them and how no one will measure up to that perfect person whom the Lord has called home and how it’s left you both scarred and that’swhy you both understand and that’s when you remember why you’ve been friends for so long. I’ve learned that my family is the best in the universe. That that little “Egan!” from my nephew is a breath of fresh air I hadn’t even realized I was missing, or the compliment from my older sister who I idolize can be the best thing to wake up to, or how my mom and dad still tear up every time they have to say “goodbye” and that tight hug and quiet “I’m proud of you” is a reason to get up every day as if it were on purpose. That the email from my sister hundreds of miles away is something I look forward to starting my week with. That the text from my cheeky brother can still make me laugh even if it’s a broken record. That you can move on from things as long as you have people around you who love you.

Absolute most of all, I’ve learned that there is always that one person who loves me and never leaves my side: The Lord is helping me through. He’s patiently waiting for me to understand the answers he’s trying to give me. He’s putting his arms around me every night when I can’t sleep so I get on my knees again and pray, hard. 

So… college.

Yeah.

It may not be like the movies. (I mean who knows, it’s onlybeen two weeks, right?)

You may not bump into that someone unexpectedly. Heck, you might get broken up with at 2 a.m. over facebook chat the weekend before classes start. You might not have, count it, one box of items to take because you want those pictures and knick-knacks from home to be here with you. But you know what? College can involve your room exploding and spending your first night in your new room and a million dollars on textbooks and possibly getting lost on campus. But it also involves figuring out everyone was telling the truth when they told you how much better than high school it is, your first football game, new friends, parties, hanging out, lots and lots of laughing, lots and LOTS of walking, a lot of pizza, finding every possible opportunity for free food because you're broke, finding out it doesn’t matter that you’re broke because,well, so is everybody else, a strengthened testimony beyond any measure, and realizing in two short weeks that you had so much more in you than you ever thought you did.

But seriously… if your name is Sam Wit-Wicky, or any name for that matter, make sure you don’t let your mom take some “brownies” from anybody.

So….. college.

Here I come. 

peace

~just megsie