for ashtyn.

It's been a long time since I last posted. Too long. But I can no longer delay what I've been putting off the past few days.

Ashy.

My mom's side of the family are the Poulsens. Every Poulsen child, grandchild, and great-grandchild is unique. But we were all born with one thing that unites us:

Fire.

The Poulsen fire. The fire that Ted Poulsen brought with him into the South Pacific to fight the Japanese in World War II. The fire that Gayle Birrell Poulsen used to help her cope with the loss of her newborn son, and to get her through the long nights worrying for her husband's safe return from war. The fire that gave them the courage to start a family, the reason why my mom, aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, nephews, and cousins children are here.

Yes, every Poulsen is born with fire. And every one of us has used that to keep us burning in even the darkest of times.

But, I don't think any of us were prepared for this.

I was six years old when sweet Ashtyn Poulsen was born. She's one of my older cousin, Jason's, daughters. But in our family, cousins' kids are just as much cousins as any to us. When Ashtyn was younger, I remember her to be the sweetest little girl I had ever met. Quiet and reserved at times. She has this old soul quality, this hidden maturity that often gives her the wisdom to only speak when she has something really important to say. As she has grown, gotten a Facebook, caught the Bieber fever, entered the temple for the first time, and become more beautiful every day, she has kept that same sweetness but added to it her own special fire.  Some Poulsens' fire is explosive, volcanic. Obvious when you very first meet them. But Ashtyn is different. Special. Hers is less like a wildfire and more like the flow of molten rock deep beneath the surface of the Earth. Too deep to feel the heat of it right away, but it moves unstoppably all the same, changing the foundations of the world with its advance. This is the fire possessed by Ashtyn Susan Poulsen. 

Ashtyn became even more special on January 31, 2013, when she was diagnosed with Leukemia. Specifically, "undifferentiated" or "ambiguous" leukemia. It is a very rare, high risk form of leukemia that is neither A.L.L. or A.M.L. The doctors are putting together treatment that will treat the cancer as if it's A.M.L.

I remember my mom texting me to tell me Ashtyn was sick and in the hospital; that worst case scenario, she would have Leukemia. Of course I hoped for that not to be the case, but when she said that I somehow knew it would be. My heart broke to hear that a Spirit so pure as Ashtyn could have something so awful happen to her, at such a young age. "She's only twelve, for crying out loud!" I yelled at my roommates. I thought of how cancer took our Grandma Gayle, and Barb, and I thought, how unfair. How unfair that it is always the purest spirits that have to bear the burden of cancer.

But the immediate thought following was, of course it would be Ashtyn. Not because she's ever done anything wrong, but because she has done everything RIGHT. Only Spirits such as her can look cancer right in the face, and let it change her for only the better. It will not leave her bitter. It will not leave her in darkness, no. She will rise above it and become an even more amazing young woman than she already is. She is strong. She is loving. She is kind. She is faithful. She is full of light.

She is on fire. And her fire is the kind that can fight such a battle as the one she will now have to fight against Leukemia. And that battle is going to teach her more about the Lord and the Savior's mercy in this short period than the rest of us will know in a lifetime. While it teaches her, she in turn will teach us as a family, as well as everyone she touches with her light, the power of God's love.

Cancer should know better than to mess with a Poulsen. She is going to kick its butt! 

Ashtyn, the road looks rough ahead. There will be many bumps and bruises along the way. But as you put your faith in God and in the Savior, He will heal you. He has already felt your pain. He has already suffered your sorrow. He knows, in a way no one else will ever know, the emotions you will feel now and in other tribulations life will bring. And He will help lift you up and make you feel peace, and joy. I know things may not make sense now, and they may not make sense until the pain you experience is simply a memory. But it will. And the joy you will experience after enduring it will be something none of us can possibly imagine! It's just like one of my favorite scriptures, D&C 58: 3 says:

"Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation."

You can't even imagine, darling girl.

The Poulsens are tighter than most. We have this knowledge of how precious life is that cannot be compared, along with an unwavering faith in God. We remembered it best when our sweet grandma died (thought I wasn't alive yet at the time), and again when our sweet, firey, Grandpa Poulsen passed away. But just as humans do, we often slip back into the routine of our everyday lives and forget. Ashtyn, already, has helped us to remember. Through this trial we will never again forget to go a day without saying "thank you" and "I love you." We will always remember the importance of love, of faith, and of family. 

I'm thankful for this opportunity the Lord has given us all to learn, become better, and rely on Him. I'm thankful for the example every person in my family sets for me. I'm thankful for Ashtyn's mom, Suzanne, and for the strength and positivity she is showing for us and especially for her daughter. I'm thankful for her words of faith she's been posting since this all happened.

Most of all, I'm thankful for Ashtyn. Ashtyn, thank you for your kind Spirit you have always shown me. Thank you for helping us remember. Most of all, thank you for teach all of us what true strength and pure love is. Just lik you posted on your facebook a couple of days ago, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And you are going to be the strongest Poulsen yet. You've got this, baby girl!

Keep that flame burning, because it is going to set the world on fire. 

 "Don't give up. Don't you quit. you keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead-- a lot of it. You keep your chin up. It will be allright in the end. Trust God, and believe in good things to come. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until Heaven. But for those who embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ, they come." -Jeffrey R. Holland 

JOIN ASHTYN'S ARMY!!!! LEARN MORE ABOUT ASHTYN AND JOIN HER ARMY HERE:

http://ashtynstriumph.com/

AND HERE: 

http://awesomeashtyn.blogspot.com/