"meant to be" and other things.

Ever since we're little and learn the story of the princess and the frog, we learn that meant to be may surprise you so therefore you should give everyone a chance.

A popular quote that's been circulating around social media is one I mostly agree with that has to do with taking risks. However, in the list of going to unknown places, reading different books, and taking unexpected jobs, is the one I don't agree with: "date someone totally wrong for you."

I definitely do not agree with that one.

I guess I've just always believed that it's pointless to date someone you could never actually see yourself marrying--even in high school. Granted, I have dated guys who, looking back, I would never want to be married to. But that's because I was blind at the time of dating them and Heavenly Father was completely looking out for me. The belief has still always held true.

Which is why the situation that just recently happened to me, which is one I've been in before, is one I find so aggravating and one I feel the need to rant on.

At work on Saturday, a group of guys came in. They were all at least a few years older than me. They were all good at making conversation with me and I'll admit they were entertaining. Well, one in particular took interest to me. After going and sitting down with his buddies, he came back up to the counter and proceeded to completely hit on me. When he and his friends were leaving the restaurant that night, he stopped and asked if he could have my number and maybe take me on a date sometime. I said it's a possibility, making it VERY clear that I was going on a mission and therefore not too interested in dating, but gave him my number anyway.

I do admire this guy's boldness, I do. It took guts to do that in front of all of his friends AND in front of my cheeky/protective coworkers who were all standing guard around me. But here's the deal...this dude just wasn't my type. He was a cool guy to talk to, but just not a guy I'd ever have romantic feelings for, or even attraction towards. Two of the biggest turnoffs were that A. He wasn't in school and B. He hasn't gone on a mission; I'm not even sure if he's a member.

That night I came home and told some of the friends in my building. They were all excited for me, not quite understanding the fact that I was more stressed than excited. I tried to explain this to them, but the response was "you never know, meant to be may surprise you."

Okay, whatever. I ignored it and we moved on.

Then, last night the guy texted me. I had NO idea what to do. I didn't want to go on that date. Yes, I know, the simple thing to do is just tell him that (in a nice way of course), but no matter how nice I could have been about it, I still knew I was going to feel AWFUL, so I didn't know what to do. I sought help from people in my building--some of them the same ones-- and was greeted with the same response as before: "you just never know." That advice even turned somewhat into a lecture about being nonjudgemental. Only a couple of them were on my side. A couple more understood when I explained that he hadn't gone a mission and that that's an issue to me, but the majority continued to lecture. I finally got help from one of my friends. He said "do you ever see this working out ever?" When I replied "no" he said "then I think you need to be straight up with him now." This blessed friend even wrote the response to the text for me because he knows what's honest without sounding rude to a guy. It was a really kind answer and the guy responded that it was okay. I still felt really badly about it, but I knew that's how it needed to go. Still, some of the statements said to me that night--and things I've been told too many times--got to me: "There's never any harm in ONE date", "You shouldn't judge" and "you really never know" and "a lot of successful relationships come out of one person being a nonmember" and my personal favorite "just because you know what you want doesn't mean you know what God wants for you."

I'm going to address each of those.

I first want to clarify that I'm not angry or resentful toward the friends that said these statements. Like I said, these people are my friends and I wouldn't have told them about the situation in the first place if I didn't consider them so. However, this is not the first time I've been in a situation like these and it has definitely not been the first time I've been told these statements.

"There's never any harm in ONE date."
People who say this are kidding themselves and are just waiting to experience how wrong they are. I have experienced firsthand how very wrong that statement is. I have agreed to a date with a perfect stranger several times, either because I always have been a risk taker when it came to relationships and felt "you never fall in love while playing it safe", or simply because I didn't know how to say no without hurting his feelings. One of two things have come from that: I get too attached or they get too attached. Either way, it turns into a whirlwind relationship that ends with a crash where one or both of us gets hurt. The last time this happened--a scenario where I was the one that got seriously hurt from it--I resolved that I was going to be more careful with relationships. No, not in the whole Nicholas Sparks "I'm going to put walls up and never let anyone in" cliche kind of way, but just in the way that I need to know a guy to a certain degree before I agree to a date with him. No more accepting dates from strangers. I have taken too many shots in the dark that didn't work out. No more shots in the dark. I'll still take some risks, don't get me wrong, but the difference between a risk worth taking and one not worth taking is the line between being fearless and just being stupid.

"You shouldn't judge."
I am absolutely, positively, not judging this guy for having not gone on a mission. I wasn't judging his character because of it. My mind didn't automatically make the assumption that he is a horrible human being because he didn't go on a mission. I was never raised to be that way and I wouldn't be that way now. However, I'm sorry, but I think I have the right to be a little choosey with the people I date--even the ones I go on just one date with. Aren't we all being judges when it comes to those we choose to date/marry? Isn't that kind of how it's supposed to go: there's all of these contestants and you choose based on the one with the best qualities? A statement that followed this one was "You do realize Thomas S. Monson didn't go on a mission." Do you also think that he told his sons that made it okay for them not to go on one? That he didn't encourage his daughter to marry someone who did? Don't JUDGE me for being picky with whom I choose to date. I have definitely settled too many times over, and I am done settling. I am done saying yes on the off chance that he could completely transform and I could suddenly become insanely attracted to him and we fall in love and our story is turned into the next Disney movie. I understand that when I do fall in love there are going to be certain qualities that I may have said I wanted before in a guy that will end up not mattering once that love occurs. However, there are a couple that I am never, ever, compromising, and two of them are why I ended up saying no to this guy: he has to be going for a degree and he has to have gone on a mission. Yes, I'm aware that I may be eating my words one day. For now, this isn't something I'm bending on. It's also something has forced me to have to fight attraction I have toward a guy--even a guy I know right now--because I don't want to let myself fall into a trap and end up giving that up. It actually makes them judgmental of me to not accept that my wants in a person are different from theirs. We all have things about those we date or marry that are dealbreakers. Are you really going to judge me for mine simply because it's different from yours?

"You really never know."
Alright, I understand that these guys don't know me as well because they haven't known me as long as high school friends (which is why one of the friends that actually WAS on my side was in fact a girl who's known me since the seventh grade). But those who do know me know that attraction happens really fast for me. I can pin someone pretty much right away as somebody I could even see the slightest possibility of something happening with. I had a long enough conversation with this fellow to know he just was not my type. Not to say I have a specific type, but more that when I meet someone who is a not-type, I can tell. I tried my best to explain that if any of them had met this guy too they probably would have said "Yeah, I couldn't ever see you with him." But they didn't. My friends who are all one their missions who know my soul sometimes better than I do could tell from the stress in my eyes alone that this is not a guy for me. They also know how poisonous that "one single date" has been for me in the past and would probably tell me to stay away. Unfortunately, they're all gone. So here's what it comes down to: except for the Lord, no one knows me better than I know me. I honest-to-goodness, KNOW, that things would never work out with this guy. The response to that was "you cannot tell that from one conversation." I'm sorry, but, I can. In my experience with dating, first impressions are often the correct ones. I have ignored that feeling in my gut before and guess what always happens? Never good things. This isn't my first rodeo and I've learned that ignoring your instincts gets you knocked off the bull landing on your spine rather than staying on for the full seven seconds and landing on your feet when the buzzer goes off. I think I'll take the latter, thank you very much. So when my instinct tells me no, I'm going to go with no. Especially because that "instinct" is usually the Spirit. I'm definitely not going to ignore that.

"A lot of successful relationships come out of a member and a nonmember."
Of COURSE I know this. A very close member of my family is in that exact situation and it has been and is very successful so far. I know that in some cases things work out. But excuse me while I address the EXACT problem they say people have in the movie He's Just Not That Into You: people assume they're the exception to the rule which leads them to the assumption that it will work out with them simply because it worked out with so-and-so and so-and-so. You can't assume that. If that's the situation that comes my way and it feels right and okay to me then I'll roll with it. Otherwise, I'm not going to make that assumption. That's not called pessimism, that's called good sense. Sue me for having some.

"Just because you know what you want doesn't mean you know what God wants for you."
Again, how about you tell me something I don't know. Of course I don't know everything that is in God's plan for me. But you know what I am quite certain He wants for me? I'm sure He doesn't want me to settle. I am sure He doesn't want me to hurt somebody's feelings more in the long run just because I was too scared to say no in the first place. I know that the person I eventually marry could come very unexpectedly, but I also know that my Father wouldn't put a guy in my path who gives my gut the inclination of "someone is going to get hurt" and just expect me to ignore that feeling and go with it anyway because it MIGHT be what He wants for me. And I don't think it would be, because I don't think he'd have the person I'm supposed to end up with give me that unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't mean to say that this guy who asked me out was secretly a serial killer and that's why I got my feeling, it was more just a bad feeling that it would not end well for one or both of us--yes, even from that one date. Like I said, I'm not going to ignore my instincts anymore.

That's why I disagree with the quote I started out with. Dating somebody totally wrong for me would end...well, totally wrong.

And no offense to Tiana or anything, but I'm not going to go kissing--or dating--a million frogs with the hope that one of them ends up being a prince.

annie.

Dear Sister Recksiek, 

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Baton Rouge Lousiana Mission. 

Annie and I met when we were ten and eleven. Well, technically we met when we were at William Penn but we weren't really friends so we vaguely remember that part. We met in a ballet class at CBT. And, we absolutely loathed each other. 

No joke. We're both excellent actresses though, because the other person never knew we hated them. It wasn't until we were best friends that we discovered the depth of our hatred. Oh, eleven-year-olds. 

Then in the 7th grade, we attempted to "kidnap" our friend Sayri the day she got back from Europe. She'd been gone for a few weeks and we thought it'd be fun to surprise her and take her to a movie. We sent her "scary" emails threatening her that she would soon be kidnapped, that there is an Amber alert out for her, and everything. 

Of course, the emails say where they came from so it's not like that worked out. Oh, seventh graders.... 

But that was the first time we really considered ourselves friends. And we stayed that way through junior high, though still not super close because we went to different junior highs so the only time we saw each other was a couple times a week in dance class. 

Then high school came, and Annie sort of jumped groups to my junior high friend group. Somehow, neither of us know how or when it really happened, we became inseparable. 

We were basically an extension of each other. We were often associated with one another and people saw us as us and not as Megan and Annie. We were--are-- SO. WEIRD. Seriously, we often jokingly ask each other "how do we even have friends?" And then the other will say "please, like we have friends." Either that, or we go "why aren't we more popular?! We're HILARIOUS." 

Yeah, that's kind of just how we roll. 

If you know me or have read things on my blog then you know what an absolute loon I am. The best friend of me would have to be AT LEAST equal to that, if not more. So see, you understand what a psychotic pair we make. 

As crazy and loud and obnoxious and exuberant as we are most of the time, though, we still have our times of deep emotion. Our late night deep chats, either in person, or, as the case has been in college, over the phone. We understand each other in a way no one else does. She knows things about me and my life and how I've felt about certain things that no one, except for our Father in Heaven, knows. We are two people than can be pretty hard to keep up with sometimes, and I think Heavenly Father knew we would both need somebody by our side through high school who actually could keep up with us. I am fickle and emotional and impulsive, and sometimes people have just given up on me because I can be quite the handful. But Annie never has. She has been patient and sympathetic and understanding. Even though I know how much I have absolutely driven her NUTS sometimes (and vice versa!), she ignores it and continues to be my friend. She accepts me for exactly who I am and has never asked me to change. She has also remained absolutely true to herself. She's such an example to me of that. 

The night she called me while I was at work to read me her mission call, I was overjoyed for her. Then, I said "wait....when do you leave?" "March 20." 

We had five months left. We'd been practically inseparable for three years, and we had five months left. 

My coworkers definitely judged me when I started crying. "Megan, you cry?!" Thanks, guys. 

This last Sunday was the day I'd been dreading. It was the day I would say goodbye to Annie in person. We laughed and joked as we ate at her house after her farewell, all the while ignoring the inevitable. As all of our friends were leaving and I along with them, I looked at her and said "I have to go...." She saw my eyes get moist and said "Don't you dare cry. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't." 

And of course I did, and she did, and we just stood there hugging and crying for a good five minutes while onlookers stood there awkwardly watching. It's definitely in my top five list of hardest goodbyes, along with goodbyes to Kenz, Barb, and Grandpa. I just don't know what I am going to do without being able to call or text her on a whim, whether it be because of a bad day or to talk about the craziness of Vampire Diaries or Pretty Little Liars (if any of you watch either of those shows, please tell me. I need a tv buddy while she's gone. surriously.) 

But the goodbye came, and she reports to the MTC tomorrow. I can't believe it's already here. 

But she is going to be an AMAZING missionary. Louisiana is lucky to have her. Plus, I gotta say, I'm pretty darn stoked to hear her new accent when she comes home. ;) 

I am going to miss my partner in crime but I know she is exactly where she needs to be! I am so proud of her for her decision to serve and cannot wait until I am in the field with her! Our reunion will be epic and will include, I'm sure, a trip to Wendy's and Paradise and Noodles & Co. Since we're kind of just a little obsessed. 

To anyone who has ever had to endure a dance class, school class (especially AP Lit senior year... we were just out of control in that one), performance, confined on a bus with us, or ever had to be in the same room--especially during one of our hyper hours, I sincerely apologize. 

Enjoy the quiet for a couple years, because you know when we see each other again it's just going to be worse. 

See ya later, Sister Recksiek! Go forth and conquer; I'll see you in two! 

~Meggie 

thank you, harry.

Lumos. 

Alright, guys. Excuse me while I have my geek moment. 

I have always been a Harry Potter fan. I read the first book when I was eight years old, in the third grade. That book sparked the first of many, many, MANY times that I would get in trouble for being caught up late at night reading. I simply could not put it down, and so with all the books after. 

I can't, though I wish I could, put into words the deep, passionate love I have for the world of Harry Potter. 

How much I look up to the courage and honor Harry possesses. 

How my heart breaks at the thought of Fred and George being separated for life. 

How the women of Harry Potter, matched only by women in the church, are the women I look up to: Professor McGonagall, Molly Weasley, Lilly Potter, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood. They are all amazing women--clever, strong, and absolutely true to themselves. I positively idolize them, I do. Go ahead and judge me. 

How I cried after I turned eleven and hadn't gotten my Hogwarts acceptance letter. 

How I often came up with extra scenes that involved ME as an added member to the trio, making it a foursome. 

How I dressed up as Hermione and played Harry Potter with my closest friends. 

How that world, to me, is still so very real. So real that the loss of characters such as Lilly, James, Sirius, Hedwig, Dobby, and Fred, STILL affects me and makes me sad. 

This world is one of such beauty. There are so many things about it that have helped me as I've grown from childhood, to adolescence, and into adulthood. 

Every time I opened one of the books, I got to step out of my world and forget everything. Think only of dragons and flying and magic and friendship and love.

One of my favorite things, though, was Hermione Granger. 

J.K. Rowling fashioned Hermione out of a big part of who she herself was and is: as a little girl, she was clever and headstrong and frankly quite plain. And she absolutely loved reading. In her reading, she often looked for heroines like her to give her hope, but was quite unsuccessful in finding any. This is why she created Hermione, and why Hermione is her absolute greatest point of pride, especially now that Hermione has helped and is helping girls who find themselves to be like Jo Rowling was. A girl who is bright and never compromises that for boys. A girl who "isn't sexy, but isn't sexless either. A real girl." 

I, too, am like Hermione Granger. 

Especially as a younger girl, I was quite plain. I wasn't the girl the boys liked. I delved in books and, along with my two best friends, lived in my own little world. I was made fun of for being smart, and for knowing things about sports. It stayed the same through junior high, and through high school I saw the looks on people's faces when I went off on tangents about books I'd read (especially when those books were school-assigned reading and while everybody else loathed them, I found myself loving them). I was made fun of for being on the Debate team and enjoying writing cases and essays and speeches. And yes, most of this came from boys. Just like Hermione. But in reading the books, I looked to Hermione to see that it's okay to be clever. It's okay to be stubborn and bright. It's even okay to be plain. Now I'm in college, and I still have to remind myself of that. To remain true and compromise nothing, just like Hermione. I hope my future little girls will learn from her (and hopefully me, too!) these qualities.

I feel so privileged to be considered among the "Harry Potter Generation." To be on of those choice few who literally grew up with Harry: who was seventeen when the Battle of Hogwarts was fought onscreen, while the trio, too, was seventeen. My childhood ended right along with theirs, when the credits rolled in the final movie. 

I don't care that I've ever been made fun of for my love of Harry Potter. It is a beautiful world. Thank you, Harry, for your courage and strength. Thank you, Ron, for your witty humor and undying loyalty. Thank you, Hermione, for reminding me to always remain true to myself. And thank you, J.K. Rowling, for creating characters who taught me such things. I will read these books to my children and teach them all the same things. 

Here's to the geeks- here's to the Harry Potter generation! 

Geek moment over. 

Knox. 

Watch this video. Watch it. Watch it now. 

And this one. 

-just megsie 

summer fever.

I caught my dose of summer fever this past Friday. I didn't know I had it until then.

One of my roommates, Hannah, is from the roaring metropolis of Cokeville, Wyoming. Graduating class of Cokeville High 2012? Sixteen people. SIXTEEN.

Anywho, a lot of people from her hometown go to USU and they were having a bonfire up Green Canyon. I've got to hand it to those small town kids: they know a thing or two about fire.

She and I got a couple of the guys from our building to tag along as well. Probably two of the funniest guys I will ever meet. Anyway, the bonfire was AWESOME. It was in this little cave up the canyon. Not a big enough cave for one to go hike through or anything, but the perfect alcove for a fire. A trail of glowsticks led the way from the parking lot to the cave. (we didn't realize they were meant to mark the trail at first and almost took them....oops.) (and may or may not have taken them on our way back to the car....haha...shhh.....) The fire was massive. It was one of those  fires that made our little group of friends have to rotate our circle to prevent one person from being in the heat for too long. Because it was hot. (probably because I was there... right? right?)

The cave was up a really steep hill. Getting up was a struggle, as there was A LOT of snow on the ground, and Hannah and I were even more worried about the way down, being the clumsy, accident-prone humans that we are. Our solution? We slid on our butts down the mountain. Our wet butts were completely worth the slide; it was so fun! And we're clearly very easily entertained. I'd say life's more fun that way, though.

After the bonfire, the four of us wanted to go see a movie. We came back to the apartment to look up movies. But it was about midnight, and we forgot about the minor detail that movies don't play past ten in Logan. Right. So, we decided to look at Redbox. Well, Redbox had nothing, except for Breaking Dawn Part 2, which Hannah and I would've been fine with, but in the words of the boys "or we could take spoons and scoop out our eyeballs." No go. Finally, we realized we have Skyfall, the new James Bond movie. None of us had seen it but all wanted to, so we decided on that.

Not before a 1 A.M. McDonald's run. Did you know Micky D's is a HAPPENIN' place up here at one in the morning? Who knew? Chalk it up to being a college town, I guess. I was so happy to get my fill of some Micky D's fries, a large coke, and the Spicy McChicken sandwiches. Plain, of course. If you haven't tried it, you simply must. It's a gift directly from the fast food gods. Your stomach and intestines may be mad at you about an hour afterwards, but your tastebuds will never not thank you. It's worth the price.

We put in Skyfall at, like, 2:15. We watched it on the big, ghetto, bigscreen tv named Delilah in the boys' apartment. It has huge curvy blue lines in it. I'm pretty sure 2001 called and asked for it back already. Our 18 inch 5 dollar tv from the D.I. would've been better. Oh, well. College life. Slowly, everyone else watching it trickled out to go to bed. Wimps. It came down to just me and corey, until the movie ended around 4:45. The movie, by the way, was fantastic. It's definitely a must-see. I haven't even seen Casino Royale or Quantum Solace yet, and it left me wanting to go watch them for more taste of the Daniel Craig greatness. Go watch it. It is excellent. Anyway, having no sense of self-preservation, we still stayed up for another hour talking. Which brought me to the record for the latest I've stayed up thus far in college: 6 a.m. (Yes, I DID regret that at work the next day. As I'm sure my coworkers did as well, as they dealt with the cranky tired Megan rather than the deliriously tired Megan. ) But it reminded me of many summer nights. Which is why I now suffer from summer fever.

 I didn't realize how much I longed for summer until I found myself giddy with excitement as we were winding our way up and through the canyon for the bonfire. I was even excited to have my clothes wreak of campfire smoke when we got home that night. Or until that run to McDonald's reminded me of countless summer night runs to the Wendy's on 45th in Salt Lake for Frostys and spicy chicken nuggets. Or until I stayed up until 6 in the morning, having absolutely no cares in the world.

Yes, I long for summer. I long for its lazy days and carefree nights, when the world kind of stops for a little while and your only concern is choosing what to do from a long list of choices because the world is yours. I can't wait for campfires and campfire smoke and starry skies and lying in the backyard and morning runs and reading a book underneath the Aspen out front stretched out on a blanket. The fever has set in. Hopefully I don't spread it!

Give me summer nights with good company. And do it soon.

 Brock and Corey and the smolder. 

 my wonderful roommate!

 I LOVE her. 

 Yes, it's normal for Corey not to smile in pictures. he was happy, i swear. 

 ...at least I think he was.