you. (part 2.)

funny how the second you admit you need help, help comes. 

you just have to swallow that pride of yours and admit it. 

you. 

hi. 

a couple days ago, i admitted what i'd been hiding for too long: that i wasn't over you. 

that same night i admitted it here, was the first time i'd admitted it out loud to somebody else. my roommate and i were talking, and i finally opened up and spilled the beans to her. she understood. she felt the same way about another guy. another guy who, like you, is wrong for her. 

we talked about how we didn't think we'd ever get over it until we met somebody better who could help us. 

i admitted it. for the first time since things didn't work out, i admitted it. 

and i asked for help. 

it wasn't getting better; it was getting worse. and it was distracting me. it was affecting me too much. you were affecting me too much. you were this poison in my life that i couldn't have anymore. i needed you out of sight. out of mind. gone. those feelings needed to be gone.
so, finally, on my knees, i begged for the help i needed to get over you. to see the better things in my life; the things that mattered more.

two days later, he happened.
he was in my life all semester. he was in my life already when you left. i was just so blinded by you that i didn't notice the other things in my life. like i said, the better things; him.
two days later, he stopped by the apartment. it'd been awhile, since i'd seen him.
he came by at 9, just to say hi.
it was 2:30 in the morning when he finally got around to leaving.
that's how talking is between us. it's easy as breathing.
he's never kissed me. he's never held my hand. he hasn't bought me a tigger. he hasn't even said anything "romantic" to me, or to any other girl for that matter, yet.

but he opens all my doors.
he gets into tickle wars with me.
he makes me laugh harder than anybody i've ever met.
when he looks at me, he really looks.
he and I can have five hour conversations into the latest hours of the night, talking about nothing but missions.
he picked me up into a spinny hug when he found out i had chosen to go on a mission, he was so excited.
actually, he always does the spinny hug with me. i like that.
he thinks i'm funny.
he's not afraid to be absolutely ridiculous in public with me.
he never has a bad thing to say about anybody.
he says "mommy" when he talks to his mom on the phone.

most of all, he makes me want to be better.
and not in a judgey, makes-you-feel-inferior sort of way.
but just in a, he deserves to have people around him as great as he is, sort of way.

no, he's not my boyfriend.
no, i'm not "waiting" for him when he leaves for his mission.
no, we're not together.
we're not even a "fling."
but he means everything he says.
he reminds me of what i deserve.
and what i deserve is better than what you gave me.

we had some good memories. we had a good friendship.
we had a masterpiece, even, 'til you tore it all up.

but what he's reminded me is that i deserve more.
and now, the lie i told for months has turned into a truth:
i've moved on.
thank you for the fun times. thank you for being a person who taught me some lessons. thank you for making me stronger.
but this is it.

so here's to you:
goodbye.