answers.

alright. a lot of people on facebook are posting one thing a day that they're thankful for leading up to thanksgiving. Well, I figured I would do the same thing, except just do it on the good ol' blog.

i'm mostly doing that because i talk too much and, let's be real, i'd exceed the facebook status word limit.

now, i've obviously been struggling just a little bit with actually doing this, as it is now the 7th of november and a post has yet to be seen until now. i do remember what it was i was GOING to write about for every day though,  so excuse me while i post 7 days worth of thankfulness into one day.

day 1: answers.

i'm honestly very surprised that i haven't posted about this one yet, if anything.

this one was automatic when i woke up november 1. i knew exactly what day one of thankfulness was going to be for.

last wednesday, on Halloween, my friend Josh and I went to the temple. if the temple hadn't been so incredibly freaking amazing that day, which i'll get to, josh honestly could have ended up having his own post. let me just tell you, I ADORE this boy! No, not in the lovey dovey, romantic, i have an undying crush kind of way. just in a, he's the lamar to my shaqueequee, black-friend-slash-kindred-spirit-wecantalkforhours-slash-hekeepsmesane-slash-just-good-friends-slash-i just like hanging out with him sort of way.

i should probably point out that though i call him my black friend, he is, in fact, white.

in fact, if i'm the whitest girl on the planet (which i am), then he's the whitest boy. which is why we obviously have to compensate by acting black when we're together. duh.

(hence lamar and shaqueequee. or, when we're superheroes.... lamonster and shakiller bee.)

but anyway, the point.

let me first give some background on a big decision i'd been struggling to make. the week before last, it suddenly dawned on me that i could do exactly what my roommate, brooke, is doing, and go home for the semester. she's going on a mission as well, and like me can't leave until the summer. but she's still going home at the semester to save up money for the mission. I don't know why it hadn't really dawned on me before that I could do that. I don't know. I guess I just had a year of school set in my head already, even before the mission age was announced, so it sort of just stayed that way. But then, one day it kind of just hit me: "you could go home."

Honestly, I think part of me had the thought because it had been a really rough week. I was sick for three days, really sick, and that put me out of class. So then I was stressed because I was behind on class. Socially I wasn't feeling so hot because i hadn't left my apartment in days, and as I said in my last post, wasn't really feeling like I had made any close friends. Plus, it was my first time being sick away from home. I asked my mom, and my brother, and they both said if I did go home then I needed to at least go to the U, to get a full year of school done before the mish.

I just did not know what to do. There were SO many reasons to go home. Most notably, financially. I could live at home, I'd actually get money BACK from the U, I could probably work more. Then there's the fact that I could have that time to spend with my family and friends before I left. But then, there was just part of me nagging and telling me I need to stay at Utah State. But honestly, there weren't really that many reasons to stay. It's not like I have any best friends up here, or a boyfriend. Brooke will be leaving at semester, leaving the possibility of some crazy girl moving in to her bed, someone who I may not live with as well as Brooke and I live together. Not to mention the fact that making enough money to live AND be saving for my mission would be insanely, ridiculously hard. And yet, part of me kept thinking I did need to stay here.

It was a really hard day. I remember breaking down in tears in the bathroom, because I just didn't know what to do and was so scared. And it's not like I could just wait it out, because in order to not have to pay for my housing next semester an Intent to Vacate form HAD to be filled out by November 1. So basically, I had less than a week to decide. And to me, it was a really big decision. How to spend a whole semester is a big deal; especially a whole semester before your mission. I'd been praying about it, and was leaning a little towards staying at USU, but then Kenz had emailed me back after I asked her and she said "honestly, if it were me I'd do classes at the U." Great. Awesome. Now I was even more torn.

The thought had occurred to me that I haven't been to the temple in quite some time. Josh and I had talked about going before, since he's an Elder now and can baptize/confirm in the temple. So I asked him if we could go before November 1. Not even thinking about the fact that it was Halloween at all, we decided to go last Wednesday. I didn't really know what to expect. I hadn't made a sure decision yet, and I was hoping time in the Lord's House would help lead me to one.

As Josh and I sat in the chapel of the baptistry waiting to be brought in for confirmations, we were both reading our scriptures. I had turned to Doctrine and Covenants, Section 58, Verse 3:

"Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation." 

See, a big reason why I was having such a rough time deciding, was because I knew just how hard staying at Utah State would be. basically, just about everything pointed to going home and attending the U of U. Cheaper, less stressful, at home when faced with doubts/fears, time with family and friends.... it would have just made sense to go home. And yet, there was that nagging thought at the back of my head again, that I need to stay at Utah State. But that would be retorted with "but it would be SO HARD to stay here." So, I was so unsure. Unsure in a way I've never been in my whole life.

Then, I read this scripture.

Upon reading it, something began to stir inside of me. Well, that stirring became concrete when we went into the confirmation room. As Josh said the first names, it all became clear. I should first say that Josh seems calm, cool and collected basically all the time. You know, except for when he's acting like a crazy spazz around friends, but still. He never seems nervous or afraid. I didn't ask but I'm pretty sure this wasn't his first rodeo with doing baptizing and confirmations. And yet, as he read the names of the people I was being confirmed for, his voice sounded shaky and uncertain. It's like he knew this was a really big moment for me. It's like he knew reading the names, with his hands on my head, and saying the prayer, was going to give me an answer I had been seeking. But how could he have known? I had told him I wanted to go to the temple that week. I hadn't ever told him why.

THE CHURCH IS TRUE, KIDS. That's how.

Anyway, tears started streaming down my cheeks in a way they never have when I've done Baptisms for the Dead as names were read and I imagined these women on the other side finally becoming official members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I thought back to the scripture in D&C, and realized my answer.

Like these women I was doing work for, there would be people, wherever it may be that I serve, who will be waiting to hear the message of the Gospel specifically from me. And they will need me to be the best missionary I can be, as prepared as possible when I leave. That means, facing much tribulation first. Yes, staying at Utah State would be really, really difficult. It would. Especially if it stays as hard as it is now. But it's what I need. I'm not saying I haven't been faced with tribulation before, but I need a different kind. A kind that requires endurance day after day, rather than just at a time of trial. Yeah, there was the answer. I remember Josh looking at me questioningly when I stood up from the chair with  a couple of tears still left on my cheeks, but I saved the explanation for later.

He confirmed my answer when we had exited the temple and I told him why I needed to go so badly, and why he saw me cry in the confirmation room, with his own story. He almost didn't do a semester of school. (He leaves for his mission to Taiwan in January) He almost just stayed home to work. But he had prayed about it and knew, for some reason, he needed to. Well, as it would happen he moves in and has the worst roommates you could imagine. Seriously. There were, a LOT of bad things going on in that apartment. One of his roommates was feeling just as uncomfortable as he was. There were certain things Josh said he had to turn his roommates in for. And he said how hard it was, to stand up for himself and for what he knew was right like that. Well, he turned them in, and now he and his roommate live in the house of one of Josh's friend's relatives. He said this semester of school has been the absolute hardest thing he's ever done, but that it's made him a stronger person. Plus, he thinks if he hadn't been there, maybe his roommate wouldn't have gotten himself out of that situation. Maybe there would have been another kid living there instead who wouldn't have had the strength to turn them in and get the heck out of there. Yeah, he says it's been really hard. But he also says it's been worth it, saying "all the best things in life never come easy." I hope he doesn't mind me talking about this. It just made me know absolutely that I had gotten the right answer.

It's funny, how you finally figure out what the Lord wants of you and accept it, how things start to look up. Already that night, I ended up going trick-or-treating with some girls who live below me (yes, we're in college and went trick-or-treating. don't hate) when I hadn't had any plans before and kind of felt like  a loser because of it. Turns out too, that those girls have some people in their apartment who will be moving out and they were just like "oh my gosh! MOVE DOWN HERE!" So there solves the fear of a new psycho roommate, because I'm already such good friends with these girls. Looking back on that a week later, so many things have already fallen into place since I accepted the answer. Funny how that happens.

So, I guess this is my long way of saying I'm so thankful for the Lord and for trusting His children enough to give us personal revelation. He's given me so many answers in just the past month, and I'm so thankful for that.

On day 1, I'm thankful for answers.

peace

~just megsie

P.S. Here are some pics, of course:

our bus adventure riding home from the temple. 

 I TOLD YOU WE WAS BLACK. we be G. 

trick or treating with mah girls. flapper, baby and barbie. awww yeah.